How to Eat at Moe’s So Your Nutritionist Really Hates You

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Let’s face it: if you have a nutritionist (or even a buddy who’s a nutritionist), then you’ve repeatedly been warned about visiting a fast-food joint too frequently. These are places that basically offer cheap and yummy food at the expense of your health. The average menu item comes with too many calories, not to mention the high amounts of sodium, saturated fats, and for desserts, too much sugar. 

But Moe’s is probably among the worst of the lot. At Moe’s, you enter the place and you get that “Welcome to Moe’s!” greeting from the staff that really gets you excited to begin your meal. And whatever you order here, you’ll get high levels of calories, saturated fat, and sodium. That’s unavoidable, even though you’re allowed (heck, you’re encouraged) to customize your dishes. Even the healthiest combination of ingredients here can be rather bad. 

However, if you really want to annoy your nutritionist and buke your diet, then these are the particularly unhealthiest combos you can come up with: 

Worst Burrito

Okay, start with the flour tortilla and then make sure you get the mojo chicken along with the queso and the shredded cheese. More specifically, your ingredient list looks like this: 

  • Flour Tortilla 
  • Black Beans
  • Cilantro-Lime Rice
  • Mojo Chicken
  • Queso
  • Shredded Cheese
  • Sour Cream

This combo gets you 47g of protein, which is great. What’s terrible is that you also get 1,133 calories, which is the more calories than what you get from 4 McDonald’s burgers. Then you’ll really stress your cardiovascular system with the 2,273mg of sodium and 24g of saturated fat. 

Worst Bowl

A bowl is a generally healthier option because you’re not getting the tortilla. But “healthy” isn’t the word your nutritionist will use if they learn that you got the following ingredients: 

  • Bacon Pieces
  • Black Beans
  • Chipotle Ranch
  • Cilantro-Lime Rice
  • Mojo Chicken
  • Shredded Cheese

With this particular combo, you’re getting more calories and fat than if you ate 2 donuts. More specifically, you have 958 calories and 45g of fat, with 15g of saturated fat. 

And it also comes with an unhealthy amount of salt, with 2,397mg of sodium. This single dish exceeds the amount of sodium you should consume for the entire day! Add the 96g of carbs, and you’re getting more carbs than if you ate half a dozen slices of white bread. 

Worst Stack

A stack is basically Moe’s answer for the Crunchwrap Supreme. In terms of taste, you probably can’t go wrong here with any combination of ingredients. 

But in terms of your health, this particular combo of ingredients is especially terrible: 

  • Adobo Chicken
  • Black Beans
  • Corn Pico de Gallo
  • Flour Tortilla
  • Queso
  • Shredded Cheese

With this list of ingredients, you’re getting 891 calories, 42g of fat (21g saturated fat), 1,930mg of sodium, and 92g of carbs. Sure, you’re getting 52g of protein, but this is not the right way to pack protein into your diet. 

Worst Quesadillas

In general, quesadillas don’t have as many calories and as much sodium as the other dishes. And you can get a quesadilla for $9. But you’re still in trouble with this specific combo: 

  • Flour Tortilla
  • Adobo Chicken
  • Bacon Pieces
  • Chipotle Ranch
  • Shredded Cheese

First off, you’re getting 760 calories plus 1,233mg of sodium. And you’re also getting 48g of fat, which includes 22g of saturated fat. That’s almost as much saturated fat as you’ll get from chomping down 3 hotdogs. And if you eat this for lunch, you’ll feel sluggish right afterwards. 

Worst Taco

A single taco doesn’t seem too bad, even if you got the worst possible combination of ingredients. But it’s not as if you’re eating just a single taco, right? Look at this particular combo: 

  • Corn tortilla
  • Adobo Chicken
  • Avocado Lime Crema
  • Queso Fresco

On the face of it, you only have 4 ingredients in total. This gets you 140 calories, 3g of saturated fat, and 187mg of sodium. 

How many of these tacos will you eat before you stop? Go with 3 tacos, and you now have 420m calories, 9g of saturated fat, and 561mg of sodium? 

If you eat 3 tacos, that’s probably just a snack. And you’re getting the same amount of saturated fat as a couple of bowls of vanilla ice cream. 

Worst Nachos

Sure, there are ways you can prepare your own nachos so they’re not too bad. But at Moe’s, there’s really no combo here that can be considered “healthy”. And this particular combination is particularly bad for you: 

  • Queso
  • Chips
  • Adobo Chicken
  • Black Beans
  • Pico De Gallo

This gives you 1,258 calories, and that’s probably half your allotted calorie intake for the day. Then you have 71g of fat, with 26g of saturated fat. Then you have the 2,288mg of sodium, and a whopping 126g of carbs. This is one order that will wreck your diet-loss plan, and also increase your blood pressure. 

Worst Salad

You think all salads are healthy? Not with these ingredients: 

  • Adobo Chicken
  • Bacon Pieces
  • Black Beans
  • Chopped Romaine
  • Cilantro
  • Corn Pico
  • Diced Cucumbers
  • Diced Onions
  • Diced Tomatoes
  • Fresh Jalapeños 
  • Grilled Mushrooms
  • Shredded Cheese
  • Southwest Vinaigrette

That’s a lot of ingredients. Which leads to 1,133 calories, 72g fat (with 22g of saturated fat), 2,004mg of sodium, and 81g of carbs. There’s really nothing healthy here at all, except maybe for the 58g of protein. 

Show these items to your nutritionist, and tell them that this is what you want to eat for the day. That’s one great way to give your nutritionist a conniption! 

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